whole parenting family
I’m an English major with a creative writing emphasis. And a lawyer. {and new hair!!} But all I want to read is behavioral psychology and child-rearing books. And self-help. Didn’t I write about this last year? I guess you can say it’s diversified? It used to be all Sharon Olds poems, and then all SCOTUS decisions {RIP, Scalia!}. Now it’s all Dr. Sears. Colleen asked what I’m reading now and I took this selfie. Yes, an English major said “selfie.” {{hides face in shame}} And yes, sometimes your almost four year old girl needs to be calmed down by carrying her in the carrier the tot won’t even go in anymore! // Better than Before // I LOVE GRETCHEN RUBIN. Gretchen, if you somehow read this late one night when you’re scrolling trackbacks to your blog, know you have a real fan over here. Love all your books. This one is all about identifying how we make decisions, and then how those form into habits. And how to make new habits. // The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up // Marie Kondo. Admittedly, there are some very odd parts to this. I don’t agree with the extreme anthropomorphism of personal belongings. It does not resonate with me. But I do agree that one must be merciless and detailed when examining whether or not our closets, attics, and wardrobes really need to bulge at the hinges. It’s a quick read and helpful if you’re on the cusps of decluttering. // The Collapse…
Read More
This little lady. She’s something else. My three kids are 5 and a half, 3 and three quarters, and 1 and five eighths. I’m making up the fractions, approximately. Don’t sue me. The days at home with them have gotten easier in many ways. When I had three under four, I was really harried and often desperate for any reprieve I could find {blog, sew, blog}. Now that I’m breathing a little more deeply, I am trying to do certain things with each kid throughout the day. Of course there are all these studies about being present to your children, and what happens when they’re raised in the era of mama having a smartphone. But beyond those potential black holes for guilt, I just want to be mindful of a few things with them. So I’m reading this book by one of my favorite authors and hoping to change somethings into habits. 1) hug and kiss copious times. My boys are more inclined for physical touch than my little lady–so I have to remind myself to smother her with affection too even when it’s not her first love language. I told them their kisses are stored up in my soul and will be with me forever. Jesus, make that true. 2) laugh with them, even when I’m totally faking it. I don’t feel like being goofy or entertaining or fun or funny that often. I often wish they would listen the first time and stop squirming. I’m finding that goofing around when…
Read More
It was just one of the many many lessons I’ve learned from being a mother. Some of the most important parts of my job are to act with kindness and to own my ish. Today everything exploded this morning. Miscommunications, missed expectations, running late to a friend’s house, my oldest suddenly with us instead of having big boy time, the instagram charity auction for Zelie & Co bustling, and a bad night the night before. Cue me shouting and them all shouting and it’s 10 degrees and 20 below windchill and YES YOU MUST WEAR YOUR SNOWPANTS INTO THE CAR. By the time we were all loaded into the car, I felt it. That regretful feeling in my stomach. I’m the adult. I need to control my crabby temper. Just because my kids are being rude and not cooperating doesn’t give me license to let loose on them. I am the adult. And once again, I’ve proven that mothering, for me, is the quickest way to being a better person. Because instead of having control over my life, with minimalism well under way around the house, and days of creative output for me, and a well-balanced diet, and clothes that I enjoy wearing, I’m in the thick of real life with small kids. Our house is messy, our days are well worn with book reading and painting and hide & go-to-seek and naps, I’m eating pepperoni & melted cheese on tortilla chips, and I’m out of shape so my wardrobe is limited…
Read MoreLast week I had one of my best days of my life. Yes, the morning was littered with tantrums from everyone, but I didn’t mind. I welcomed the learning opportunity for all of us. My oldest was angry that life isn’t fair and that he doesn’t get to do what he wants all the time (totally feel you, buddy). My middle was angry that I couldn’t spend the morning with her alone in her room (yup). My tot was angry because people didn’t like him biting them. But, truly, the day was peaceful because I was peaceful. The other night my husband described what’s been going on for him with his case files lately (response briefs! motions for summary judgment! The stuff that only another lawyer could love) and I recoiled inside. Oh My Gosh my day is so easy. My kids crying? Fine. My kids not listening? To be expected. I don’t get dressed or clean the house? No one cares. I don’t have deadlines and clients and billable hours to worry about. I have playdates, nature hikes, and baking muffins. The only thing expected of me is to be kind. And that’s what I’m expecting of myself. That’s my standard from now on. Kitchen not cleaned up? I’m not going to let it rattle my slightly semi type-A personality. Toy room trashed? So what. I’ll tidy up later. My hair looks like a bad ombre. That’s fine. I really don’t care and will get it colored in a few weeks. (Cue…
Read MoreDear Daddy, Baba, Hey You, Mister FixIt. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! This is you: 1) fixing anything broken. all the time. 2) out shoveling in the coldest of days. 3) carrying the toddler around to “look for bunnies” in the yard = the ultimate distraction. 4) always ready to buy an airplane ticket for any of his kids or grandkids to come home or visit each other. 5) always ready to get me ice cream late at night when I’m pregnant. 6) the first one to volunteer to pick you up late at night from any thing–a flight, a party, a roadside disaster. 7) the first one to volunteer to drop you off anywhere in the early morning–a flight, a surgery appointment, work. 8) reading religious newspapers while watching World Series of Poker. 9) finding the latin mass in Vegas whilst playing poker all night long. 10) ending phone calls with “you too, pal” after you say I love you. 11) playing hockey twice a week at age . . . wait for it . . . 68! 12) always up for a construction project, especially the demolition part. 13) naming the composer and name of any piece of classical music. 14) singing along to all Led Zeppelin and ACDC. 15) the only person in our family guaranteed to answer his old fashioned flip telephone, day or night. 16) calling religiously from Costco to see if we “need anything for the kids.” {organic chicken broth & mozzarella, please} 17) when you ask the tot who is…
Read More
Children are surprising. I have said a million times that I never thought I’d be a mom whose son wore athletic gear, and lo and behold. My brother’s shirt from 30 years ago, but still. I’m surprised at my son’s love of both knights AND pirates. Two seemingly completely different sorts of fantasy. He fell in love with knights last summer. In part due to my lego set from childhood, and in part due to these two books: Look inside Castles & Built to Last. Then we found this at a second-hand sale, missing the sword and shield. But that’s okay because my mom gifted him with this handmade set for his birthday, Christmas, and every event from here on out. And presto. Add a few hand-dyed silks as cloaks from my sister and BOOM: the love of a knight was born. Sprinkle in Jim Weiss’ King Arthur CD on repeat and you have Sir Gwaliwad, feared by dragons and loved by small children. (that’s his self appointed title.) I’ve promoted knight imaginative play for a number of reasons. Chivalry. Manners. Courage. Hard work. Skills. Endurance. Including your sister as Maid Marion who is an expert equestrian and skilled swordswoman. Help the poor. Charging around with your lance a lot. so punny, Nell. Then at his nature school, his buddies started in on their newest passion: pirates. I have to say, pirates have not captured my fancy like knights did. He insists that they’re all bad guys. I guess there’s merit to empathic…
Read More