how to love the person you actually married and MORE FEASTS

My girlfriend Haley & her husband Daniel wrote another cook book. !!! Raise the roof emoji!!! For a woman (ahem, me) who loves to cook but sucks at finding recipes (except at 4pm that call for defrosted (I didn’t do that step) meat), I couldn’t be more delighted. It’s called MORE FEASTS, as in, it’s their second book and the first one was titled FEASTS! Click over here to take a peeks.

They paired up food from the culture of the saint’s feast day. I mean, for an attempting-homeschooler like me this combines geography, religion, history, and multi-culti + dinner time. It’s an all-in-one. I’m especially looking forward to this recipe for Saint Kateri Tekakwitha: Roast Acorn Squash and Wild Rice with Cranberries. She’s a Mohawk Native American Indian who died in her early twenties and is revered as a saint in our tradition. Read more about her life here.

Growing up, she was one of our very very favorites and the meal they’ve paired with her is using specific North American particulars that were probably eaten by her tribe at the time (17th century). Being a Minnesotan means that wild rice is native to our lakes & rivers (it’s a form of grass. brace yourself.) We love it and we lurrrrrve roasting squash. YUM!

She’s offering this awesome deal: through tonight, December 15th, you can use the code HAPPYFEAST to get 25% off both ebooks. And the original ebook is on sale for $4.99 (from $7.99) through the end of Advent. The new book is $3.99 for the electronic copy!  Click here to view more details

You got it? Good.Click here to buy through my link.

Haley’s book comes at a critical time for me in my spiritual partnering: she gives me the tools to cook meaningful meals aligned with our liturgical calendar and therefore touch on a few of my husband’s real (not spousal tolerance related) interests. While cooking these meals, I’m educating and including my two big kids and filling our bellies with healthy food. Totally Whole Parenting approved.

Okay, so now what this to do with loving the person you actually married, versus the one you think//thought you did? I’ve been ruminating a lot about my marriage lately, earlier last week about how I can better honor my spouse, and before that about how our marriage needs shared experiences beyond the date night. Something on my mind lately is how do I love him as and who he is. Not who I think I married.

We fall in love; we marry; we build a life together (whatever that means in your pinterest language); maybe we have children right away, maybe we travel; maybe we buy a house and plant a garden. These are phases many of us go through. Here’s what happened to me: I kinda forgot about who I actually married and his interests and life just kinda blended into mine.

I love to sew. He must love to watch me sew and listen to it CLACK CLACK CLACK.

I love to talk on the phone and group text (hostage sitch for my brother). He must love when I relay the conversation to him bit by snarling laughing bit!

I love to rehash my thoughts and feelings. He must love it too. All the time. Remember this video? That’s me. 

Actually, he really loves silence. And good meals. And cultivating a very deep spiritual well. 

I didn’t mention any of these in my list. Because I’m a talker and a procrastinating cook and more of a Rosary on the go kinda girl.

A running joke? He likes to read this book while I’m in the room. Anyone else get the irony???

Lately as I’ve been more focused on our marriage and actually tending to it, I’ve ensured he has silent times in the evening. I’ve carved out time for him to pray or read spiritual books with a little candle lit without me clacking in the background. I’ve started a weekly meal linkup//commentup called Week Eats to force myself to actually meal plan for our little family of five.

The crazy part of five+ years of marriage is that he is still him, despite sleep deprivation. And I want to honor what he actually likes and dislikes as part of having a live relationship with my spouse, instead of a survival-mode one. Plus, the baby is almost 7 months old so we’re out of survival mode, right?? Haaaaaaaaa.

It’s humbling to realize you’ve been ignoring what the person you love most really actually likes and derives enjoyment from. It’s a little on DUH OBVIOUS, Nell, side. Prayer time//silence//food. Okay. Got it.

Scrolling through Haley’s book to plot my meal for next week. And the week after. And after. Thank you to Haley for being part of her bloggy book tour! Go read all the other ones!