things you can’t know before you’re a mom

I’ve had my share of surprises in motherhood. I’m sure all mothers have. But when I was chatting with a pregnant first-time mom the other day, I realized there were about a dozen things I really couldn’t have anticipated, no matter how much I read, quizzed seasoned moms, and needled my own saintly mother. This isn’t a list that covers what you “should” know, because there are very few “shoulds” about parenting, outside of safety of the child and mental wellness of the parent. I.e., don’t shake a baby no matter how angered you are by screaming and get help and space between you and an incessantly screaming baby so you don’t go crazy and hurt the baby. It’s simply a few discoveries that I didn’t know would happen, and I’m glad they did. 1) People will ask awfully inappropriate questions and yet mostly don’t mean to be rude. I.e., You look so big! (to moms carrying in their wombs) or You have a kid? I didn’t know you were pregnant (to moms carrying in their hearts) or Your baby doesn’t sleep through the night?! 2) I was overwhelmed. Just simply: overwhelmed. 3) I didn’t magically lose the baby weight but eventually did. It wasn’t night/day after delivery. 4) That annoying sing-song voice people use when talking to children? I unconsciously adopted it. 5) I count a meal as eating slices of cheese and meat and a paw-ful of grapes while standing and watching them eat their carefully curated lunches of the same damn…