managing parental anger

The other night we were praying night prayers. I asked my oldest what he wanted to tell God, or ask of God. He began, “Dear God. Please help me to be a better boy.” I choked up. I actually felt the sting of a tear swell up in my dry eye socket. He was really getting this whole prayer thing. He continued, “And God, please make my mom a better mom. Please make her stop shouting at me so much. Thank you very much. The end.” Indignation replaced sentimentality. I bit my tongue and almost gasped out, Speak for yourself, buddy!!! When I realized it. I had become a habitual shouter. The kids knew it and now I knew it too. I remembered the great book I read last year about habits (The Power of Habit) and started to make a plan for breaking this habit. 1) Accept that you’re a shouter. It has taken me a long time to acknowledge this isn’t just one bad day, or one bad instance that really set me off. I now have the habit of letting my frustration get the better of me, and am a habitual shouter. It’s not everyday, but it is definitely a lose-my-temper-a-few-times-a-week. And immediate remorse. And apologies. And feeling like I will never let myself do it again. Until I do. 2) Replace the undesired shouting with a different activity instead of quitting cold turkey. I’m replacing shouting with a deep overly dramatic exhale and digging my fingernails into my…