better marriage

I want a better marriage

October 3, 2016

Yes, I really do! I really do. And it’s on my mind often. What can I do to improve our marriage? Okay, that’s a lie. Somedays all that’s on my mind is the long list of things he can do to improve our marriage. But I married a great guy to begin with, and I bring at least half the problems to the relationship so I really can take credit for needing to improve it and being able to. 1) recognize where we are. Like, without the hormonal influence of pregnancy. Really, truly, I sat down and took stock in where our marriage is. I wrote down what our habits are. How much time we actually spend in actual conversation. How often we bicker or fight. How frequently I’m slaying him with death-emojis in my mind’s emoticon board. I also wrote down what I appreciate about him. I wrote this out before the list of things that are hard for me because it’s easy to get swept up in the negative, at least for me. It’s not social media’s fault. It’s not my iPhone’s fault. It’s my fault for spiraling down a negativity black hole when a simple acknowledgement of an annoyance would do. Let go, bite the inside of your mouth, find ice cream. All better things to do. 2) talk openly about our children and future children. Laura & Nancy & I wrote another Scripture study (Waiting in the Word: A Couple’s Journey) that I know I told you about a few…

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What if I Really Practiced His Love Languages?

January 27, 2016

Like, really did. What would happen in our marriage? Well, he showed me what would happen because for some unknown reason in December, or was it late November?, my husband of nearly seven years decided to LAVISH me with verbal affirmation. I mean, it was hilarious. It was over the top. It was insane. It was . . . amazing. To this second of this very day I’m not entirely certain what inspired him. He thinks it was when we had our home blessed by our wonderful priest with a particular prayer: the Enthronement of the Sacred Heart. He felt like the graces we received from that kicked him into constant personalized affirmation land. I figured it was a way to battle against the winter blues that inevitably accompany long cold dark days away from us at the office, peppered with periodic trips out to our family Lodge in Wisconsin. But I digress. Here’s what happened when my husband totally met my love language needs (and who knew my need for verbal affirmation was really so inordinately deep?): 1) We laughed. A lot. They say laughter is the best medicine. It’s not as though I was ill, or our relationship was in a rough dark place (as it has been, haven’t all of ours?). Everything was just fine. Not splendid, but certainly not abysmal. But we laughed and laughed of his daily babblings about what a wonderful wife I was, and an award-winning mother, and a chef beyond compare (lies,…

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