Parenting
SuperBoy is 2 years old. I cannot imagine life without him. We celebrated with a small party of his three best friends and his little cousins–and a few of his big people friends. I made delicious agave sweetened dairy free cupcakes. Num! In celebration of his first birthday, I wrote this post {5 Changes in the Last Year}. I’ve learned even more about parenting, SuperBoy, and myself in the last year. They can be summed up in these 10 lessons: 1) I’ve learned that parenting is a continually changing experience. Some days you love it. Some days you hate it. Some days you want to move and leave no forwarding address. Most days your heart is full of love. And, once a parent, always a parent. 2) I’ve learned that if you approach parenting as a job that you want measurable results in and earn high review ratings at, you’re in for a sorry surprise. If you hope for a smooch from a toddler and a smile from a baby, you have a better chance at satisfaction. 3) I’ve learned that two children are better than one. And to watch your elder child share love with the younger is precious beyond measure. 4) I’ve learned that it’s better to understand SuperBoy’s moods than to try to control them. 5) I’ve learned that SuperBoy is a very gentle soul who is passionate about small things, like baseball cards and dates stuffed with walnuts. 6) I’ve learned that he prefers showering with his Dada…
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Mostly when people pull out their wedding photos, it’s to display the work of their fabulous photographer, and it’s a dramatic, well-lit, glorious photographic snatch of their special day. I love this photo. I can’t remember who took it–probably a guest with her little digi cam–but it’s emblematic of what we’ve experienced in the last three years. Yes, this is us dancing in the street at our at-home reception to our dear friends’ band, Scythian, who played in the front yard. I’ve learned a lot in three years of marriage, but here are three things in particular that are share-worthy. 1) Play is essential to love. AA is playful and not afraid to be goofy. That playfulness has kept our love robust and young. We still joke around, poke fun at one another, and every now and again, just play. Whether it’s actually playing with our children (imaginary stories, baseball indoors, tickle bug attackers, etc) or chasing each other around with the insistence of sunblock (me to him over Memorial Day weekend), where there’s no ability to let go and be silly, love is stuffy and suited only for the parlor. When I take myself and my opinions too seriously, and have no room for humor, I am rigid. When I can see that mine is not the only way, and certainly not always the best one to impose on my husband, I can be playfilled in my suggestions, and let them go when they’re not applied immediately to whatever…
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Emily Rumsey Photography Nursing is a challenge, and there are lots of little tips along the way that help ease that challenge. Personally, I’ve found that meeting with a lactation consultant somewhere along the way, preferably in the beginning of your first attempt, gives you a great tool set to continue. I wrote about my amazing lactation consultant and midwife friend, Aszani, here {3 Postpartum Health Tips}. Three tips I’ve picked up along the way: 1) Try different positions. Every baby is different. SuperBoy liked to nurse in a different position initially than SweetPea does. Shake it up. Change it up. Don’t be afraid to flaunt the conventional cradle hold. Right now, SweetPea only loves it when she’s nursing along the maternal contour, meaning her body curled from my breast to my belly button. That’s not conventional, but it works for her and me. Check out my post on nursing positions here {What Are the Good Nursing Positions}. 2) Compress your non-nursing breast to stop the flow of milk. When your milk has come in, and you feel the tingle of it letting down after your child has latched and sucked for a short while, remember that our milk floweth from both breasts, as though we all have twins. (Massive kuddos to mamas who nurse twins. Wowzer.) When you don’t want to either wash a million nursing pads, or throw away the bleached cotton disposable ones, simple compress the non-nursing breast with your free arm. Like when you are in…
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Most people have seen the controversial cover of Time Magazine, or perhaps read the Motherhood vs. Feminism debate at the New York Times revolving around Attachment Parenting, the parenting theory coined by Dr. William Sears that emphasizes breastfeeding, sharing sleep, and wearing your baby. So is attachment parenting this weirdo hippie movement wherein parents stifle their children and impose martyrdom on themselves with endless efforts at a childcentric life complete with nursing, carrying, tending-to on demand with organic food on the side? I don’t think so. Nor do the others parents we know who follow Dr. Sears’ theory. It’s not a take-it-or-leave-it kind of thing. Lots of parents incorporate his suggestions into their parenting style. We follow many of his suggestions and I’d like to think we’re normal, and our children are balanced, loved individuals. At its heart, I find that attachment parenting is about self-sacrifice and prompting parents to be aware that having a child means you have to set yourself, your world, your needs, everything aside, and take up caring for this little human in a respectful and loving manner. Put yourself last, focus on your family, and you’ll feel tremendous satisfaction and joy and see the way love grows! (A radical notion in our egocentric society.) Dr. Sears and his wife have written extensively, and we’ve read most of their books. Their AP focus is a lens that says, “Your child has these particular biological and metaphysiological needs. Be aware and try to meet them, even if…
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What do I need at the hospital or birth center? What don’t I need? I’m no expert with a mere two births under my belt (what does that phrase mean, anyway??), but here are my suggestions based on common wisdom and my experience. *Don’t forget your doula!! 1) Clothing. No, it is not a nudist colony. Yes, bringing your own clothing means you don’t have to wear the world’s worst outfits: hospital gowns. And have you seen their “nursing” gowns? They are hospital gowns with two slits for your breasts. Um, skin-to-skin, anyone? How can your baby optimize his latch when he can’t smell your milk through all the bleached cotton? Bring: cotton robe (maybe 2) ((I got one at Target for not much–not full-length)) socks you like when walking on cold floors (2-3 pair . . . birth is a wet business) nursing bras (for a little breast support) yoga or sweat pants (for when you arrive and leave) shirts that open in the front (I forgo nursing tops for the first long while–open up that shirt and have your unclothed baby on your chest!) swimtop for water birth & swim suit for your partner Don’t bother with underwear as they’ll provide you with these lovely enormo disposables numbers. 2) For your care. gel pads for your nipples nursing pads heating/cooling pack (see mine here) water bottles food you can eat & snack on (let’s be honest, some hospital food is terrrrrrrrible) playlist on a CD or your smartphone…
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Even people who don’t like their mother, need their mother when they have a baby. Truly. If you’re thinking to yourself, “but really, I just want to snuggle with my partner & babe. My mom will constantly be interrupting our peaceful new family”–you’ve clearly never had a newborn. There’s nothing more peaceful and simultaneously less peaceful than a newborn. *Caveat: if your mom isn’t super helpful to begin with, and you really don’t want to share new baby time with anyone, disregard all of this advice and just gaze at my adorable little SweetPea’s photo. People think that if they have a loving and supportive partner, they don’t need their mother. The two are not mutually exclusive. Consider the following facts that support Mother’s presence–qualifications that your partner simply can’t embody. 1) Fact #1: Moms have had babies before. Yes, even if it was only a one-time occurrence, your mother had you. That means she knows about tearing, hemorrhoids, bleeding, nipple pain, exhaustion, postpartum depression, and hating everything in the world while simultaneously loving everything in the world, especially your little angel-by-day, devil-by-night. Remember my postpartum health tips? Mom should be on that list! Moms know if the baby’s color is normal, if the poop is normal, and how to put on the diaper. They also know what baby stuff you actually need and what is modern materialism at its finest. They know how to swaddle, soothe, and bathe a newborn. Have you ever looked at a newborn’s umbilical cord…
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