Parenting
It’s Halloween. Happy Halloween! If SuperBoy could be something of my choosing for Halloween (you guessed it: he’s Babe Ruth dressed up as SuperMan), it would be Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. That’s right. The Robert Louis Stevenson novel character wherein one person can is simultaneously wonderful and terrible. I know every little child is like this, and I’m not alone, but let me fill all of you in who have adorable babies (tormenters in the making) or no kids yet. Those of you who are childfree by choice probably know all this. You’ve heard it all before. From the dual working household it’s this: Mom or dad of child X says, “Oh, staying home would be so challenging. Sometimes I’m just relieved to go into the office on Monday.” Parent of child Y remarks at a party, “I love our childcare. They provide great structure and wonderful learning opportunities for our beloved little Y. Y loves to socialize with the other children. It’s a great fit.” From the stay at home household it’s this: Parent at home of child Z says, “This is the hardest job of my life. One of us is going to die, me, or the kid. I’m fantasy job hunting outside the home.” Parent also says, “I wouldn’t give this up for the world because I see my children all day long and I get to bond so closely with them.” Mommy wars ensure: which is harder? Newsflash: parenting is hard no matter what. Yeah,…
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Emily Rumsey Photography Do you live in Minneapolis/Saint Paul or thereabouts? Are you expecting your first baby? What are the first steps toward learning more about your options for childbirth here in the Metro? I got news for you: long gone are the days of just showing up at the hospital, push, push, and then having a cigar (probably not you, probably your partner). Now you’ve got childbirth classes, doulas, birth plans, midwives, OB/GYNs, water births, land births, drugs, no drugs, and different kinds of drugs. It’s an avalanche of info. And I’m not even talking about all the unsolicited input from well-intentioned friends and relatives. 1) Childbirth education classes. Why do you need a class to tell you what’s totally natural and biologically normal? Just because our bodies know what to do doesn’t mean our heads do. Trust me, a lot of it is not intuitive. The Twin Cities boasts a number of great childbirth education centers and classes. Begin with a free meeting offered by the Childbirth Collective, a non-profit run by birth professionals that’s a fabulous resource for families. See here for the schedule of parent topic nights. I’ve done reviews & introductions of two of our newest childbirth ed places: BabyLove in Eagan {BabyLove: A New Place for Childbirth Education in the Metro}, Enlightened Mama in Saint Paul {Newest Childbirth Education Center in the Metro: Enlightened Mama}, Flutterby Birth Services on the West Side of town {Flutterby Birth Services: My Chat with Owner & Founder}, numomma in downtown Saint Paul {numomma: the…
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For the mothers who stay home, or who work at home, newsflash: you gotta take care of yourself. Of course, everyone says that. But when you realize you haven’t really gotten dressed in a while (sweats & yoga pants & your husband’s bathrobe doesn’t count) or done your hair (blow dry?) or thought about facial lotion, yes, it’s time to do a little self-care. Some crazies who aren’t parents envision parents who are at home during the day to be living the high life, replete with bon bons and being on the couch. Parents who work know how hard it is to be home, and parents who stay home know how hard it is to work. No parenting war here! I stay home, work at home, live at home, and don’t miss my out-of-the-house job life. I don’t miss looking presentable every day. I don’t miss being up & out the door every morning by 7am. I don’t miss having to shower regularly. (Hey, before you judge, you try living in a very old cold house in a very cold state. Yup, it’s cold already and I hate showering in the cold. It’s the getting out part.) But staying home means I take night shifts, and SweetPea doesn’t sleep through, and SuperBoy is still adjusting to moving to his big boy bed (post soon!) and my days filled with marathon style tantrums, fussiness that requires all-day-sling-wearing, books, songs, drawings, make believe, snuggling for naps, making dinner together, and sewing, blogging,…
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We’ve all had failed parenting days. We’ve certainly all had failed partnering days. Sometimes we have both. Somedays, like SuperBoy here, we just have to play with a wind chime while clutching our hunting camo hat in hand. See below for six phrases to repeat while parenting & partnering for a better stab at both. I say all of these often. 1) I am sorry. Drop your defenses. If you were rude and impatient with your child, model humility. Ask for forgiveness. If you just sniped at your partner, stop, rewind, and apologize without a litany of excuses. They will understand; they have failed moments too. The child might not understand, but luckily he or she usually has the memory span of a goldfish. 2) I love you. Remind your kiddos you love them multiple times a day. Consciously say it aloud. Tell your partner you love them at least twice, when you wake up and before you go to sleep. Text it to them. Write them a note on the bathroom mirror. You can’t say this enough, in any version–written, sung, spoken, demonstrated. 3) This is coming from a place of love. My sister wisely shared this as a great phrase when communicating with your loved ones, especially if what follows it is an explanation of your hurt feelings, disappointment, or frustration. It’s impossible to sincerely follow this up with a nasty comment. Let your emotions and thoughts truly channel through a place of love. Because even when you…
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When you have two children (ohman my friends who have more!), and you stay home with them, and you blog, and you have an Etsy shop, and you cook from scratch, and you are an urban farmer, and you love playdates, and you love mommy-centric playdates (here, kids, play with this while I gab with my girlfriend), and you love to make elaborate dinners, and you love to go out of town to your family’s lodge in the country, and you love to stay connected to all 700 of your electronic friends, it can be hard to stay sane, and keep your priorities straight. (Nota bene, this post is a confession.) Here’s what I should do, and how I should do it, and how I would be happier: 1) Spiritual life. Family. My spiritual life is intrinsically linked to my family life. We sing prayers all day long (SuperBoy is a big fan of Pater Noster (the Our Father in Latin), Tantum Ergo (another Latin ditty), and Jesus Loves Me), we pray before and after meals, we pray before bedtime, we talk about our dead friends and pray for them, etc. But my own spiritual life isn’t getting personal attention. It gets attention by proxy. I would like to make time to do private devotional reading. I would like to make it to Mass beyond just the Sunday obligation. I would like to go to confession regularly. Hey, maybe throw a holy hour in there? Family is my job, my love,…
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Watch this movie: Doulas, A Documentary. Yes, it’s made by our doula, Emily Rumsey!, and sponsored by the Childbirth Collective, both of whom we love mucho mucho. And yep, we’re interviewed in it. You can see SuperBoy when he was right around 12 months running around us. You can rent it for a few bucks or buy it. At least watch the trailer. And then rent it or buy it 🙂 I was a movie star along with AA and SuperBoy for my 15 minutes of fame. Woot! (SweetPea was a mere twinkle in my eye at the time as SuperBoy was around 12 months when we were interviewed for it.) So what’s a doula? Why do I need one? Isn’t that my partner’s role? Doula. It’s Ancient Greek for “female servant.” No, I’m not one, so yes, this is an unbiased post on the necessity of having a birth support person beyond your partner. Consider her a birth support person for both you AND your partner. And your baby. Every person for whom I’ve recommended a doula (now 4) said it was a lifesaver. She was invaluable. Their husband made a complete turn-around and went from suspicion to converting other partners. This is really a great addition to your birth team! I’ll make my case for a doula in two parts (the bifurcated approach, thanks lawyerly instincts for teaching me to think in outline form): 1) She knows what’s going on. She’s been here before, knows what comes…
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