Parenting
I wrote on making judgments without being judgmental a few weeks back {Judgers Judge} and the topic has come up again in my life: how do I deal with friends and family whose parenting styles are different than my own? The bottom line is for me has become: unless it’s a moral issue, parenting styles vary. Get over it. Thus the questions become, what’s a moral issue in parenting and what’s not? When is the variance great enough such that it’s hard for me to view their choices charitably? And what’s the difference between admittedly poor parenting and someone just doing the best they can with what they have? 1) Moral issues. If another parent is allowing or pushing inappropriate sexual activities, yeah, we’re probably not going to be friends. If another parent doesn’t believe in filtering violence in the media/games, yeah, we’re probably not going to have playdates. If another parent is modeling dangerous or harmful behavior, no brainer. These issues can be sticky at times because where you draw the line for what’s age appropriate for your child might not be where someone else does. Having a 2.5 year old who’s home with me all day means I don’t encounter many of these kinds of issues. His is a pretty closed universe, especially with no TV and very limited screen time in general. 2) Most differences aren’t worth getting all worked up about. Medicated labor versus pain med (and hence pain-filled) labor? Bottle feeding in lieu of breastfeeding? Cry-it-out or…
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Yes, some of us have had two children under two years old! Many of my friends’ children are further apart than two years, either intentionally or not. Some lost a baby, some struggle with fertility. SuperBoy and SweetPea are 22 months apart. That means I had a raging toddler when I was pregnant (and throwing up daily, etc). That also means I had two in diapers, two who needed to be carried, and two who loved snuggling. Loved that last two out of three. Here’s a quick list of 12 ways I survived having two kids who were under two years old: 1) Pregnancy is tough. Take all the help you can get. Your friend offers to host a playdate with your toddler and hers so you can lay down? Thank YOU, yes! Your mother brings over dinner? Thank you, yes! Your co-worker takes over the next big assignment so you can not stress too badly during maternity leave? Thank YOOOOOU! But really, despite being super sick throughout both pregnancies, I really do love being pregnant {10 Reasons Why I Love Being Pregnant Again} 2) Figure out childcare early on in your pregnancy. Infant care is harder to come by than toddler. If your toddler is in a daycare situation, ask early to reserve an infant spot. If they have to be split up, try to ensure the infant is in a center close to your work so you have the possibility of coming by during lunch to nurse or…
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Who me? I’m never not a good listener, good napper, good eater, and good older brother! Don’t listen to the complaints of my parents. Yes, SuperBoy is a total sweetheart, a great older brother, and a complete love. But he’s also human, meaning that from time to time we have outbursts of a two year, seven month old little boy. Whew, he is normal. I’ve got a whole section on toddler behavior chronicling our journey with him, figuring out how to help him help himself to cope with emotions, hormones, and the unpleasantness of not getting his way. Now that he’s a little beyond basic toddler behavior, we’ve had to approach discipline differently. There’s actually some verbal negotiations, some concessions on both sides, and a really strong sense of action —> consequence built into his brain. Because we tried to be firm and consistent with things that were and were not allowed (i.e., can’t respond to us with a “no!”; can’t throw food or other things that aren’t balls; angry fits will be treated calmly and with the threat of isolation if continued; and other general guiding principles), his outbursts of long long LOOOOOOONG tantrums have been mitigated to a degree. Here are our preschooler behavioral guidelines (to keep me sane, and him sane, and SweetPea alive): 1) Politeness. He is expected to respond “yes, please” or “no, thank you” when offered something. He always has to try one bite of a new food. He cannot shout NO at us. He…
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I’m working on a longer post about depression and motherhood, the darkness of parenting days, etc. Heavy stuff. Perfect for Lent. But as I’m not ready to slam you with that, I thought I’d share my light recipe for the winter blues. It’s very cold in Minnesota and I only get outside when I race between the house and the car to go places I absolutely must go (or my children must go–like the train store or BFF play dates). By the time February hits, I’m swimming in the blues of winter. In resolution to not wallow in self pity just because of the climate, here’s what I’m doing. 1) Cooking & baking with greater enthusiasm. I’m cooking with a new vigor, thanks to my purchase of the meal plan from Wellness Mama. Consider taking a look at it yourself. She gives you a fabulous array of recipes, gluten-free (can be anything free as substitutes are listed), your grocery list, and the impulsion to just learn new healthy recipes already. My baking has been taken to new heights thanks to my happy kitchen assistant, Mr. SuperBoy (aka le chef). He got his oil cloth apron from my girlfriend’s Etsy shop {Baby Back Bibs} and has a new lust for whisking flour and water together. Everywhere. Pouring. Whisking. Baking. So I’m finding new healthy recipes for baked goods–no sweet during Lent for this Catholic–and will do a post with them soon! My advice: find good healthy comfort food. 2) Purging…
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SuperBoy helps his dad write the initials of the Magi on the Feast of the Ephiphany with a blessing for those who enter into our house. Speaking of names (great transition, right?), how’s it coming on picking a name for your baby? Did you know that everyone has an opinion about your baby’s name? Whether they share it or not, they’re judging. Inside. And either they approve whole heartedly, are luke warm, or think you’re a derelict parent for your selection. What’s in a name? We Catholics recently celebrated the feast day (because we love a good feast day!) of the Baptism of Our Lord. Jesus was once a baby, baptized, and given the name that the angel told his foster father to designate. Jesus, what a great name! The priest’s Sunday sermon was about names and name trends and the significance of a Christian name (either Biblical or a saint’s name). It got me thinking, which got me writing, and here we are. (And yes, when I asked SuperBoy what his uncle & aunt-in-law should name their unborn baby, he said, you guessed it, Jesus.) Baby names for us need to encompass three things in my opinion: family names (unless you’re saddled with a whole lotta Murgatroyds), spellable, and the actual name you’re going to call them. 1) Family names (or names with a story). I’m biased toward this because all five kids in my family have a family name, or a story behind their name. I’m named after…
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We were out of town last weekend and it was wonderful. SuperBoy stayed at home with my family and AA and SweetPea and I had a lovely little trip. Being home and back in the swing of a semi-dirty house with semi-dirty diapers everywhere and very dirty laundry and a semi-whining child and a very tired baby was less than ideal. I have literally 46 things to do this week, and no time in which to do them. It could have been a very frustrating week. Instead, I’m trying to practice being present as a parent, and not just going into survival mode. (And yes, my son wears the same football sweatshirt all the time. All the Time.) Survival mode looks like this: (Oh good, you found something to put into your mouth–I’m laying on the floor with you, periodically patting your bottom so you know I’m alive while checking life on my IPhone.) (Here, take all the books I can find about baseball, and please have quiet time in your room. No, I won’t read all your baseball cards aloud. I’m busy laying on the floor in your sister’s room, responding to emails.) (Oh, look, you’re mangling beans everywhere. You’re eating something. That’s great. Now I’m going to go and lay down again on the floor and try to write two articles on my laptop whilst laying down. I wish I could sew laying down. Thank GOD your father is home because I’m exhausted and crabby.) Parenting in a…
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