Parenting
If your almost 3 year old is anything like mine, he’s emotional. He’s adamant. He’s sweet. He’s unexpectedly helpful. He’s obsessed with his little 1 year old sister. He’s a terrible listener. He’s a great listener. It’s a whirlwind of ying, yang, up, down. Every day I feel like I’m navigating the rain forrest of his emotions with no compass, no map, and very few provisions. That’s probably why sometimes SweetPea and I take shelter in her room while he’s raging in his. I’ve written about tantrums before {Three Key Steps to Taming Your Tantruming Toddler}, {Two and a Half Year Old Terror, That’s My Kid}, {Big Boy Battles, Loving Discipline for Your Preschooler}, {Parenting 101: Don’t Borrow Trouble or Ask Leading Questions}, and a whole section on Toddler Behavior. BUT I’ve learned a few ways that–at least for now–can assuage his terrorizing heart while still being a firm boundary for him. Without spanking. Without losing my temper and fiercely wanting to make.him.do.it.now.and.listen!!!! I’ve identified three phases of emotional meltdown: a) the whine, b) the defiance, and c) the all-out freakout. 1) The whine. When I ask him to do something, if he doesn’t listen right away, there’s an immediate consequence. “Please stop pushing your sister down” or “Please do not swing the bat near your sister’s head.” Generally, whining for him is related to me asking him to stop a behavior he knows he shouldn’t do. It’s not requesting an affirmative action on his part, more like an omission…
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If you are in a relationship and parenting children together, you are inevitably facing parenting differences. Unless you married your clone. And that’s creepy. I have a whole section on parenting. And one on partnering. Some overlap, yes? My husband and I are about as similar as can be on most things that matter–which is probably why we chose to be together. We’re on the same page religiously, spiritually, activities in common, values in common, both lawyers, love of cultivating the earth and our children’s green personhoods, raising and caring for the whole child. He laughs at my dumb jokes, eats my failed meals, and nestles our notoriously awful sleeper, SweetPea at all times of night to help with her post-year-old night weaning. He’s ah-mazing. Even so, we do have different ideas on certain aspects of parenting. Or just different levels of awareness. It seems to me that looking at our squabblings and hearing about others, it boils down to about 4 main styles that clash: 1) Timeliness. Usually in a relationship of two people, one is more keenly aware of time than the other. Maybe you’re with Mr. Punctuality and you’re Mrs. Punctuality. More likely, one of you is tapping your watch than the other. This is more likely than having two laid back people. Because at some point in life, you really do suffer from being late to everything. Life teaches us that if we are chronically oblivious to time, we will lose something we wanted, an opportunity…
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I remember blogging about 5 things I’d learned in the first year of our son’s life {Five Things in One Year}, and his second year {SuperBoy’s Turned Two} and sharing SweetPea’s birth story with you all–just about a year ago {Our Daughter’s Birth}. And now it’s time to celebrate her life–one whole year outside the womb! She is the happiest child, all love, laughter, and joy. She’s our sunshine kid, that’s for sure. (Thanks to her Godfather for that nickname!) Here goes. My eight lessons to contemplate on her first birthday. 1) Cherish details because it goes fast. How can time fly so quickly? You tell me. The last year is a blur, a blink, one sweet afternoon in our library watching the children crawl on their father. So many happy and sad things have happened in the last year. My brother was married to the woman of our dreams and they’re expecting. My dearest friends’ daughter was called back to Heaven after a very brief time here. We’ve spent many hours together with all my siblings in town. My brother will be deployed in May. AA’s work is going very well. Two good friends from law school are struggling to find work and provide for their families. Life ebbs and flows. I’ve learned to cherish the moment, be in the moment, and appreciate the days of little people and little challenges. Learning to clip SweetPea’s nails; watching her breathe while she sleeps on my chest; watching her brother kiss…
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Here are my top five baby items. I wrote here about registering tips {The Everything Registry List}. None of these have endorsed me (ha!) but I am planning on working on a few of them for a giveaway deal or a discount to my readership. They are all pricey, to be honest. Either we received them or we splurged on them. Everything averages $80 (or $35 for the diaper covers). You don’t need it all, in fact, I’m sure many of you have long and happy babyhoods without any of them. These are all nice wants, not needs. Despite the sticker shock, I’m going to say these are give things I use every single day and have since SweetPea was born. With SuperBoy, I wasn’t as savvy–or selective, ironically though he was my first!. With both children, and in general, we buy used or are the grateful recipients of hand-me-downs.Especially in the clothing department–have you seen how expensive new baby/children clothing is? Buy consignment, Goodwill or thrift shops, or garage sales. For the staples you’re going to use and wear out, I’ve found that these five things have been worth the cost and to do it all again, I would spend the money on each of them used if we hadn’t received most of them as gifts. These are the only 5 things I rely on every day that are spendy but worth it. All this being said, with no further ado: 1) Blessed Nest Nesting Pillow. Website here. People…
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She’s so cute. She’s just adorable. SweetPea makes every day fun, easy, and a joy to watch she and her brother roll through life. We often say if she weren’t so cute, there’s no way she would have made it with night nursing a full year. No. Stinking. Way. Am I crazy for having awakened every 3-4 hours to nurse a baby? Well, obviously when babies are born and the first several months of life it’s vital for their growth and development to nurse 8-12 times in a 24 hour period. That’s science and the standard medical recommendation. Most people probably aren’t still up with their 11 7/8 month old, though. We haven’t night weaned for a number of reasons. I’ll start with those and then move on to unroll our very big plan to night wean when she hits one on April 10th–coincidentally also my birthday! 1) Why not to night wean too early. When your newborn nurses, the suction & compression tells your body: “Make MORE” and in those early days and weeks, your milk supply becomes established. In my layman’s terms as a non-educated lactationist: you create the supply & demand set up so that your milk glands are geared toward producing a certain amount of milk. It’s hard to increase that later in the game. Nurse early, nurse often. When your growing baby nurses at night it packs on the pounds. If your baby is like SweetPea and on the smaller end of the spectrum (>25%…
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How loving are you all! Your response to my sharing about the dark times within was so truly, well, loving and light bringing! Thank you from the bottom of my pitty-pattering heart. Your insights, openness about your own dark times, and love keep me wanting to write this blog. After further examination as to why it’s so dark in here, I wanted to share a little about why we all do go inside the dark parts of ourselves, and how that relates to this week. In the world of Christianity, this is a big week. It’s called Passion Week. It’s the week leading up to Good Friday (saddest/happiest day of the year), Holy Saturday (hold your breath and wait for it while He’s rocking the Shroud of Tourin in the tomb), and tah-dah Easter Sunday when Christ kicks down the doors of death and flings open the gates of Heaven. My very simple, non-theologian mind has focused on the internal this Lenten season. I’ve tried to air out all my faults, failings, bad habits, bad parenting styles, poor partnering incidentals, negative sibling interactivities, slacking daughterisms, failed friendings. I really wanted to feel like I had done my part on the journey of Lent, that I had strove (striven? strived?) to be a better person. Somehow along this way I let the Devil get me down. Instead of viewing my human failings as ways to improve and be a bigger vessel for God’s love, I turned all that darkness into other…
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