Parenting
I’m still a novice spouse myself, almost six years in. So don’t take anything here as word from on high. In fact, take it with two fistfuls of salt because what you do with your spouse is probably totally different than what I do with mine with respect to this. But given that I have a blog and love to feel like an expert {NOT}, you get my take on this. For the first time in our marriage these past few months, I felt guilty like I was really neglecting my husband. I mean, I kept the kids alive and I talked to him. So that’s good. Right? But him as a person and me as as person were not resonating on the same level. We were like two robotic puppets (now there’s a weird image for you) going through the motions of gathering together our energies and household, but not actually connecting. That’s in part why I wrote my last post about seeking common experiences outside of family life and work life, outside of talking over drinks or snuggling in the bedroom, or for the cosleepers among us, snuggling somewhere other than the bedroom. I thought about this idea of not connecting. Then I thought about vows. Then I thought about how SweetPea thinks vehemently believes one of Santa’s reindeer is named Victim. Then I thought about Grace’s last post about Bash’s talking. Then I thought about how Bridget had her baby, Anders!!! Then I circled back to vows.…
Read More
We realized this the other weekend. We need more than a “date night” in our lives. We need actual time together. Sans kids. Not time when we’re talking over a candlelit coffee or dinner. Not time when we’re having marital intimacy (TMI ALERT!!!!!!!!). Time when we are sharing experiences outside the bounds of parenting. I could go on and on about what this means, or doesn’t mean, or what it could look like, or doesn’t look like, but the simple fact is that shared experiences are what feed a relationship good solid barley kind of meals, not fluffy puffed rice cereal kinda meals. Like when we were dating and we went for runs together. Okay, my husband won state 7, you read that right SEVEN–or was it 12?–times in high school and ran for Notre Dame. He’s a real runner. I jogged alongside him while we were flirtatiously working out in law school. He probably was basically walking and I didn’t even notice. I did once run through a corn field to get back to my burning vegetables in the oven and sliced up my thigh. Prickly brambles on the outer edge: not so sexy to return to the apartment when he was already there stretching with a bleeding thigh. But experiences. Like watching and laughing uproariously to Arrested Development together. Or Parks & Rec. Or something equally not a period piece that I love and want to subject him to. {did you hear Haley & Christy’s podcast dedicated to…
Read More
I’m wracking up the holiday gift giveaways for you!! And this one, well it’s one of my favs. My girlfriend Laura is remarkable. We met through a girlfriend Lydia’s blog and realized we lived not an hour from each other. And that our children were similarly aged. This is before we each had our third, born one day apart! She sweetly came over to our house and as the kids played in the inflated–slightly deflating–pool in back we talked and talked and talked. And marveled on how we could have kept going but for the pottied-in swim diapers and gaspingly wet children. Beyond our similarities, I quickly came to admire a difference between us. Her writing abilities and style are well beyond the realm of this humble blogger. She is gifted. She is a real writer who has honed her craft beautifully. And this book//oh I needed to have these words in my life right now with three kids under five!!//it’s well written. Her writing reminds me of my creative writing undergrad companions. When the lens through which they viewed the world was truly and thoroughly as a seeker of ideas, a translator of visions, a go-between from our experiences to our conversation. Laura’s book, Everyday Sacrament, does this. She goes between parenting in all its unholy glory and pairs it with our religious experiences to put into words how they relate. She interlaces the spiritual and the poop. The layout of the chapters means I can float with her from…
Read More
A friend confided in me: I sleep in bed with the baby and my husband sleeps with our toddler. I know–I know–it’s so weird. He’s a bad sleeper. I responded: that sounds like so many parents I know. Not weird at all. Almost all of us are dealing with baby and children sleep. Meaning: crappy interrupted adult sleep. We’ve embraced “bad” sleeping. So now it just feels like “sleeping.” I wrote a lot about sleep with my first two kids. I read a lot about sleep. I think I thought I could out-think the sleeping problems of babies. I viewed them as problems. I viewed myself as a sleep deprived zombie. I was convinced there was a sleep answer. Toddler Sleep Issues: reasons why they might wake up. Sleep Sampler: 0-12 months: my overview from my kiddos Ousting a co-sleeper: we’re not here with BabyLoves, but why did I kick SweetPea out of bed at 6 months? IT DID NOT WORK. I kept getting up to nurse and soothe her for another 6 months til we night weaned. Nightweaning: when & how we did it with our second born. Now on baby number three, I’ve embraced that babies sleep differently than children and adults. Well, at least I’ve given up that I can teach my baby to sleep differently than he is inclined to. Babies do not go week after week with uninterrupted REM cycles. They just don’t. If your baby magically has never awakened between the hours of 7pm and 7am, ever,…
Read More
Is your friend a blogger? Do you even know what the heck she’s doing on her blog//online diary? Because it’s really an online diary where she talks about her kids’ poopy diapers, right? I had no idea what a blog was before I started blogging, and heck, even well into the blogging, four years ago. I truly thought it was like a few ladies talking about either their traumatic recoveries from birth, or their kids’ poop. Now I’m sure my friends who don’t read my blog think the same of me: poop & birth stories. And, my friends who do, know this is the case. If you are a blogger, and your friend is a blogger, and your blog is smaller than hers, how can you support her? If you are a blogger and your friend is a blogger, and your blog readership is bigger than hers, how can you support her? I think the answer to all three scenarios: you’re a normal non-blogger, you’re a small-time blogger, or you’re a big-time blogger. 1) Subscribe to the blog. Even if you don’t always read it, or heck, never read it. You’re helping her “numbers” and being supportive. That’s awesome of you. My first non-family subscriber four years ago was a good family friend, single dude, early thirties, who by no means wanted to read my blog. I’m pretty sure he’s never unsubscribed. And pretty sure he’s never read it. I almost cried for appreciation. (weird? yeah, I’m a blogger) 2)…
Read More
About a month back or so, when the time came to send our four and a half year old to the music preschool, one day a week, one hour and a half–(4.5 year old to 1 day a week, 1.5 hours)–I panicked. I posted on a fb group I’m freaking out about dropping off my son at music class!!! Backing up. This teacher, and this school, are phenomenal. We took a year long class together with the teacher. If anyone tells you pre-k music is just a time-filler, they haven’t had the experience I have. Wow. Not only is the curriculum geared toward building their little minds and skill sets, it’s artfully woven into a fun time and a silly time and a playing music time. And most especially, a time for exposure to instruments and musical ideas I simply cannot provide. BUT we’ve never dropped our kids anywhere. Only a few friends have babysat, otherwise always family. We’ve never left that at a gym play area, a church play area, a crafts play area, a daycare, a school, nothing. Returning to my panic. I called my sisters, my friends, my husband at work, and my mom, is he ready? what if there are peanuts? what if he poops and doesn’t wipe all the way? what if he’s mean to another kid? what if he’s the sassy boy in class? I texted my bloggy mommy friends. I freaked out. My fb group was soothing, for the most part. The moms reminded me that…
Read More