Parenting
This little lady. She’s something else. My three kids are 5 and a half, 3 and three quarters, and 1 and five eighths. I’m making up the fractions, approximately. Don’t sue me. The days at home with them have gotten easier in many ways. When I had three under four, I was really harried and often desperate for any reprieve I could find {blog, sew, blog}. Now that I’m breathing a little more deeply, I am trying to do certain things with each kid throughout the day. Of course there are all these studies about being present to your children, and what happens when they’re raised in the era of mama having a smartphone. But beyond those potential black holes for guilt, I just want to be mindful of a few things with them. So I’m reading this book by one of my favorite authors and hoping to change somethings into habits. 1) hug and kiss copious times. My boys are more inclined for physical touch than my little lady–so I have to remind myself to smother her with affection too even when it’s not her first love language. I told them their kisses are stored up in my soul and will be with me forever. Jesus, make that true. 2) laugh with them, even when I’m totally faking it. I don’t feel like being goofy or entertaining or fun or funny that often. I often wish they would listen the first time and stop squirming. I’m finding that goofing around when…
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It was just one of the many many lessons I’ve learned from being a mother. Some of the most important parts of my job are to act with kindness and to own my ish. Today everything exploded this morning. Miscommunications, missed expectations, running late to a friend’s house, my oldest suddenly with us instead of having big boy time, the instagram charity auction for Zelie & Co bustling, and a bad night the night before. Cue me shouting and them all shouting and it’s 10 degrees and 20 below windchill and YES YOU MUST WEAR YOUR SNOWPANTS INTO THE CAR. By the time we were all loaded into the car, I felt it. That regretful feeling in my stomach. I’m the adult. I need to control my crabby temper. Just because my kids are being rude and not cooperating doesn’t give me license to let loose on them. I am the adult. And once again, I’ve proven that mothering, for me, is the quickest way to being a better person. Because instead of having control over my life, with minimalism well under way around the house, and days of creative output for me, and a well-balanced diet, and clothes that I enjoy wearing, I’m in the thick of real life with small kids. Our house is messy, our days are well worn with book reading and painting and hide & go-to-seek and naps, I’m eating pepperoni & melted cheese on tortilla chips, and I’m out of shape so my wardrobe is limited…
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Somehow this last six months has felt like a shift in our family. SuperBoy isn’t a little kid anymore. He’s in a whole different place, so I’m in a whole different place as a mom. Yes, he still has epic clashes with me and trouble listening at times, but his maturity is sometimes (sometimes) amazing. His wings are growing. Banging. Bashing around, looking for higher heights to leap from, and leading the way for the little kids to want and be and do more and more. Case in point. The other day, for the first time in months, SuperBoy was the gentle big brother I know is in there somewhere. He changed into his play clothes in the morning without a fight. He let his sister play with his legos without apoplectic screeches. He spoke in the cutest LOUD SLOW BABY TALK to the toddler who understood him perfectly and let us know with lots of “BABA” and “JEE-JEE” responses. {that’s my dad’s name and Jesus, FYI}. His idea for Lent? Offering up all treats and adding in doing all his morning chores before breakfast. WHO IS THIS KID? I thought about these posts I had written throughout the years: big boy battles, taming your toddler’s tantrums, feeling powerless with your preschooler, power parenting: why force & fear don’t work, helping emotional boy find his voice & ears. He’s growing up. That’s my dad’s dresser from his childhood we’ve repainted around those 50’s decals a few times for our babes. …
Read MoreLast week I had one of my best days of my life. Yes, the morning was littered with tantrums from everyone, but I didn’t mind. I welcomed the learning opportunity for all of us. My oldest was angry that life isn’t fair and that he doesn’t get to do what he wants all the time (totally feel you, buddy). My middle was angry that I couldn’t spend the morning with her alone in her room (yup). My tot was angry because people didn’t like him biting them. But, truly, the day was peaceful because I was peaceful. The other night my husband described what’s been going on for him with his case files lately (response briefs! motions for summary judgment! The stuff that only another lawyer could love) and I recoiled inside. Oh My Gosh my day is so easy. My kids crying? Fine. My kids not listening? To be expected. I don’t get dressed or clean the house? No one cares. I don’t have deadlines and clients and billable hours to worry about. I have playdates, nature hikes, and baking muffins. The only thing expected of me is to be kind. And that’s what I’m expecting of myself. That’s my standard from now on. Kitchen not cleaned up? I’m not going to let it rattle my slightly semi type-A personality. Toy room trashed? So what. I’ll tidy up later. My hair looks like a bad ombre. That’s fine. I really don’t care and will get it colored in a few weeks. (Cue…
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It’s been a wonderful lull between Christmas and now BAM–Lent. I’ve kinda cleaned up the house, arranged our schedule to have more togetherness and less messy running ’roundedness. And I’ve even allowed my daughter to categorize her threads by color. She’s really going after thread right now. In writing my weekly newsletter for the Waiting in the Word group of Christian moms, I realized, yes, I’m into threads too. I’m looking for slender but strong connections to God. I’m looking for less me-time and more Him-time. How do I really turn to Him? How do I really center in Him? I’m so busy with life with small kids, the crying, the spilling, the hugging, the snuggling, the swim lessons, the reading, the hitting fences with sticks repeatedly. This is how. I wrote a scripture study with my two good girlfriends. We broke the six weeks of Lent into six struggles we face as moms of little kids, and then paired those with six attributes we strive toward. selfishness . . . to . . . sacrifice frustation . . . to . . . forgiveness judgment . . . to . . . love envy . . . to . . . gratitude failure . . . to . . . humility anxiety . . . to . . . surrender Buy the bundle. It includes the study, a printable journal, a bookmark with lectio divina steps, and a calendar to print with all the Bible verses we picked. Today and tomorrow,…
Read MoreDear Daddy, Baba, Hey You, Mister FixIt. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! This is you: 1) fixing anything broken. all the time. 2) out shoveling in the coldest of days. 3) carrying the toddler around to “look for bunnies” in the yard = the ultimate distraction. 4) always ready to buy an airplane ticket for any of his kids or grandkids to come home or visit each other. 5) always ready to get me ice cream late at night when I’m pregnant. 6) the first one to volunteer to pick you up late at night from any thing–a flight, a party, a roadside disaster. 7) the first one to volunteer to drop you off anywhere in the early morning–a flight, a surgery appointment, work. 8) reading religious newspapers while watching World Series of Poker. 9) finding the latin mass in Vegas whilst playing poker all night long. 10) ending phone calls with “you too, pal” after you say I love you. 11) playing hockey twice a week at age . . . wait for it . . . 68! 12) always up for a construction project, especially the demolition part. 13) naming the composer and name of any piece of classical music. 14) singing along to all Led Zeppelin and ACDC. 15) the only person in our family guaranteed to answer his old fashioned flip telephone, day or night. 16) calling religiously from Costco to see if we “need anything for the kids.” {organic chicken broth & mozzarella, please} 17) when you ask the tot who is…
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