Parenting
I could go on and on about how my kids have all cried and tantrummed so much this week. I could go on and on about how I’m tired and my husband has worked long hours and I just want takeout forever. But as I was mentally composing the most whiney mom first world complaint post ever, it hit me. I’m the problem here, not my circumstances. My kids have had a rough week, every single three of them. That’s developmentally normal. It’s spring; they’re squirrelly. But what’s not normal is that I’m not handling it well. I scream. I shout. I really really lose it. Over little, normal things. Yes, but Nell, you seem like this is just hard all the time. Didn’t you just write about this a few weeks ago, this hardship thing? That’s what happens when you have three young kids. And you really want more? That’s either the devil on my shoulder or what I think every person in my life thinks about me and my life, my wheel of un-changing fatigue and depletion as a mom. And I’m not even nursing or pregnant right now! How do I have cause to be so crabby? So short-tempered? Maybe because I think I’m not supposed to have hard times–I’m supposed to be bouncing through a field of daisies with my sweet little kids in tow. Because if I say it’s not like that, I am afraid of the criticism above. Instead of writing a post sharing…
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I had the great privilege of being a guest on the Jennifer Fulwiler show on the Catholic channel on Sirius XM radio the other week. Afterwards, I felt so chagrinned. We were talking about living out the Pope’s latest encyclical, Laudato Si, and I totally lost my notes beforehand and experienced major mommy brain during and couldn’t summon up all the thoughts I’d had about the topic. Jen, will you ever let me back on the air??? But we did confirm that despite not compost toileting, you’re probably holier than Haley, right? đ The reason I wanted to talk with her in the first place was that upon reading the encyclical, I felt panicked. I need my heat! I need my a/c! Pope Francis seems to ask things we can’t do as normal American moms of many! So after thinking about it, here’s my list of ways to live out environmental stewardship as a midwest mom of many who can’t live out the beautiful organic farmer life that I pine for secretly in my dreams. (But then I’d have to give up our ancestral home and I don’t think I can do that!!) 1) Recycle. I’m pretty sure everyone does this. At least, I thought everyone did before I went to law school and met so many people who simply didn’t. Maybe their city didn’t collect it without a fee. Maybe their county didn’t promote it. Maybe they simply hadn’t given it much thought. Paper. Cardboard. Glass. Certain plastics. The greatest city…
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I have read a few articles lately about gender inequalities at home–where moms, including working moms, foist the bulk of household work onto their capable shoulders either due to lack of cooperation from spouses or their absence. It got me thinking about how we divvy up household work so that my sons and daughter see mama and dada working together. When we were first together, before we got married, we talked about how we envisioned our lives in the actual day-to-day. As we were both working, the days were filled with motions, appeals, and paperwork. The evenings were divvied up with cooking and tidying and errand running. We fell into a pattern of who liked to do what, and who hated doing something the least, and who was good at what. We also did almost everything together because we were newlyweds without kids. Add three small kids and me eventually staying home and the paradigm shifted. We are in a pattern now that’s working. Maybe you’re in flux of juggling work & little babes and tots and household duties are ready to break you, as they have been me. (a few snaps from instagram.) 1) list out what you love & what you hate. You know I love a good list. We broke it into things we loved and things we hated. I love cooking. He hates dealing with anything technological in the house. Once we had basic allocations of hates and loves, we knew we were in the ballpark…
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I feel like a broken record. Didn’t I just write a post about finding satisfaction right where I am? Did I? I wrote about making where I am awesome. Maybe that’s what I’m thinking of. But with every few months in the lives of parenting littles, times change. I even chatted with Brigid and Elise on the Caritas Podcast about how something as basic as how I approach Lent as a Catholic has changed since I had kids. Listen to it here and read the show notes here. As being a mom is already challenging (yes, I still give up treats as is our family tradition), I no longer have to find things that are penitential haha (mass with small kids. enough said). I’m dissatisfied with a number of things about my life. And I was even more sick of hearing me b*tch about them, over and over again. My house is untidy, I’m out of shape and compulsively eating fudge <<before lent!!>>, I don’t sleep enough, often dinner isn’t made or made well. So I drew a big ole list up. What I want to change Followed by another list. How I am going to do it I did have to face the reality that somethings got crossed off. I’m just not going to get to them. And that’s okay. I tackled what I could and made a plan. Reading Better than Before is really helping me with making new & better habits, too. 1) Cluttered House. We planned…
Read MoreMy baby really isn’t a baby anymore. He’s 21 months and talking, running, slapping, laughing, and as of the other week, no longer nursing. This is the first time since I was pregnant with my oldest (over six years ago now!) that I haven’t been nursing or pregnant. There’s a bittersweetness there. Kathryn wrote about her youngest weaning and I nodded along with all her musings. Nursing doesn’t work for everyone. Some people don’t want to breastfeed, for others it doesn’t work out despite their best attempts, and still for others, they do a little of both bottle & breast and it works for them. I fully support FED IS BEST. Yup. For me, nursing has been deeply, achingly wonderful. My daughter had a tough time starting out at it, but the boys have been pretty fine, and dare I say, after BabyLoves was born at a whopping 10 pounds and I was so out of it with endometritis (uterus infection) and bad tearing, that when he latched and it didn’t hurt I thought, maybe an excruciatingly large baby has its pros? People asked about weaning as he was the first I *tried* to actually wean. My oldest self-weaned at 14 months and my second at 19 months. But this little man was about 18 months when I went on a “sistermoon” with my sister Molly. That’s when you abandon your children and husband and go live it up on the beach with your sister (or sleep in a LOT and eat food…
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I’m an English major with a creative writing emphasis. And a lawyer. {and new hair!!} But all I want to read is behavioral psychology and child-rearing books. And self-help. Didn’t I write about this last year? I guess you can say it’s diversified? It used to be all Sharon Olds poems, and then all SCOTUS decisions {RIP, Scalia!}. Now it’s all Dr. Sears. Colleen asked what I’m reading now and I took this selfie. Yes, an English major said “selfie.” {{hides face in shame}} And yes, sometimes your almost four year old girl needs to be calmed down by carrying her in the carrier the tot won’t even go in anymore! // Better than Before // I LOVE GRETCHEN RUBIN. Gretchen, if you somehow read this late one night when you’re scrolling trackbacks to your blog, know you have a real fan over here. Love all your books. This one is all about identifying how we make decisions, and then how those form into habits. And how to make new habits. // The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up // Marie Kondo. Admittedly, there are some very odd parts to this. I don’t agree with the extreme anthropomorphism of personal belongings. It does not resonate with me. But I do agree that one must be merciless and detailed when examining whether or not our closets, attics, and wardrobes really need to bulge at the hinges. It’s a quick read and helpful if you’re on the cusps of decluttering. // The Collapse…
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