Whole Parenting Family

She’s Not that into You: Making Girlfriends as an Adult

How do we do this? I just talked to a girlfriend who’s moving for her husband’s job relocation. With kids from college-aged to kinder. How do we make girlfriends as adults? I can tell you how many times I’ve been in a conversation where a woman has revealed that making adult female friends is the WORST. And I mean, worse than a spray poopie diaper or being out of chai tea latte mix at home.

Friendships blossom over shared experiences, challenges, and triumphs. Sports team mates. Roommates. New Moms groups. Going to the same church. But as we enter into adulthood and leave the comfort of the easy-to-meet people school environment, it’s rough.

For me, I went through a very awkward period of zero friends when we moved home from Vegas and I was looking for a job. My law school friends dispersed around the country, my college friendships were slim and hadn’t been tended to throughout law school, and my new work colleagues lived far away from where we were living.

We set up our first home in a little condo in Minneapolis and spent nights cooking, talking, walking along the river. We joked to my brother that we were “couple’s shopping” in looking for friends who were married that we both liked. But in earnest, we were hoping for friendships. I was hoping for women who understood both my work and being pregnant, which seemed to be exactly zero.

I slowly met women at church, but only by approaching them after Mass in the vestibule (you know who you are ;). I started a mom’s group at my parish, hoping to meet friends that way. Turns out that was the very best way to do it and now my closest mom friends are my parish friends. Incidentally their husbands are friends with mine, too. I guess we found our couple friends after all.

This took years. It took years of me actively seeking out and working on relationships. Some relationships didn’t endure, and others blossomed. Many text messages were exchanged between me and my sister in New York, all wishing she would move back home! I cried some nights, missing the close companionship of my law school friends. I felt uncomfortable reaching out and asking to get together for coffee, a playdate, having a couple over for dinner.

Maybe this sounds like your journey to adult female friendships. Maybe you’re living where you went to school and those friendships continued to thrive. Maybe you didn’t go to school and instead went right into the work world, and those gals are your tribe. Maybe your family members are all you need in the friendship department.

But if you’re like me and at 26, 27 years old, had to start over, I want to acknowledge that it’s hard.

Blessed is She is offering a new series of community group materials in the autumn. It’s been my joy to edit the series and work with seven splendid authors on these various topics. When curating it, I thought about what I would have liked to have had on hand when facing these prospects of trying to build friendships & a tribe of women.

If you want to start a group, or are already in a group and want to know more about what will be coming out, please, let me know! I’ll add you to our community group Facebook group, and alert you when materials are ready for sharing.

Sisterhood doesn’t come easily for all of us as adult women. If you want to build some sisterhood around you, we can help!


  1. Sarah on May 21, 2017 at 5:31 pm

    We just moved back to the Midwest from CA and I totally feel this. I would love more info on the Blessed is she groups!! Thanks for sharing!

  2. Kristen on May 21, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    Me!!! I want to know more, pretty please!

  3. Theresa on May 21, 2017 at 8:05 pm

    I’m so interested!

  4. Katherine on May 21, 2017 at 9:02 pm

    I would love more info when it’s available. Thank you!

  5. Kimberly on May 22, 2017 at 12:15 am

    Count me in!

  6. Emily on May 22, 2017 at 7:37 am

    Yes, I would like to know more, Nell 🙂 I have found it really hard to make women friends as an adult, and especially as a mum. My new mums’ group lasted for about a month and then everyone else (except me) went back to work! 😀

  7. Sara R on May 22, 2017 at 9:16 am

    Oh yes I’m so glad it’s not just me. I am 33 and I have a husband, 3 children and I work full-time. My husband is a GREAT companion and I can talk to him about anything! but there is just something about that girlfriend friendship that I crave from time to time. It’s hard to find those lasting friendships that are understanding of husbands and children. I hope to find another like minded girlfriend that we can have playdates with the kids while having girl time together! This is something I need to seek out as well.

  8. Hannah Jasmine Hilgendorf on May 22, 2017 at 9:43 am

    Yessss. Thank you for sharing your experience. My tribe is still my posse of sisters, and while my husband and I have finally been blessed by the friendship of another non-family (and local, thank you Jesus) couple, we have none that are in the same stage of family life we find ourselves in, and we still long for that. It’s encouraging to be reminded that sometimes a lot of time and effort goes under the bridge before such friendships can be claimed.

  9. Rachel on May 22, 2017 at 8:04 pm

    Me, me, me!!!

  10. Annie on May 23, 2017 at 9:45 am

    I’m interested!! Recently moved cross-country before getting married (and will be moving again in about a year) so I know these struggles so well.

    • Natural Mama Nell on June 9, 2017 at 9:48 pm

      You got it.

  11. Maggie H on May 23, 2017 at 2:10 pm

    I love your blog, I just had my fourth too and you offer such great info and inspiration! I’m very interested in this series and would love to be on your list.

    • Natural Mama Nell on June 9, 2017 at 9:48 pm

      You’re so kind. So glad you’re here. Adding you!

  12. Anita Dodson on May 24, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    Absolutely interested!!

    • Natural Mama Nell on June 9, 2017 at 9:49 pm

      Sweet. Adding you to the list!

  13. Beth Anne on May 25, 2017 at 11:04 am

    I’d love information on this. We’re talking about doing some more stuff locally like this to build our young adult community up in the fall.

    • Natural Mama Nell on June 9, 2017 at 9:49 pm

      You got it!

  14. Teri on May 25, 2017 at 12:21 pm

    I would love to hear more! I am in this exact situation! Just moved amd just got the green light from our new parish to start a moms’ group so now I need to figure out how to do that!

    • Natural Mama Nell on June 9, 2017 at 9:49 pm

      Super. So exciting! Will add you.

  15. Caitlin on May 25, 2017 at 12:22 pm

    I am exactly in that place! Just had my first about 7 months ago, and most of my college girlfriends have moved or are moving away. I would love to be added to the group!

    • Natural Mama Nell on June 9, 2017 at 9:48 pm

      I’ll add you!

  16. Cassi on May 25, 2017 at 9:15 pm

    I’d love more information! I’ve been part of a mom’s group through my parish that has evolved and fizzled a couple times over the years. It would be great to have material to connect over.

    • Natural Mama Nell on June 9, 2017 at 9:47 pm

      You got it!

  17. Annie on June 4, 2017 at 4:04 pm

    Please add me also! I am SO. RIGHT. THERE.

    • Natural Mama Nell on June 9, 2017 at 9:36 pm

      Adding you, girl!

  18. Sarah on June 30, 2017 at 1:17 pm

    I’m interested! You used to live in Vegas?! I’m there now! I wish I could have met you!!