She’s Not that into You: Making Girlfriends as an Adult
How do we do this? I just talked to a girlfriend who’s moving for her husband’s job relocation. With kids from college-aged to kinder. How do we make girlfriends as adults? I can tell you how many times I’ve been in a conversation where a woman has revealed that making adult female friends is the WORST. And I mean, worse than a spray poopie diaper or being out of chai tea latte mix at home.
Friendships blossom over shared experiences, challenges, and triumphs. Sports team mates. Roommates. New Moms groups. Going to the same church. But as we enter into adulthood and leave the comfort of the easy-to-meet people school environment, it’s rough.
For me, I went through a very awkward period of zero friends when we moved home from Vegas and I was looking for a job. My law school friends dispersed around the country, my college friendships were slim and hadn’t been tended to throughout law school, and my new work colleagues lived far away from where we were living.
We set up our first home in a little condo in Minneapolis and spent nights cooking, talking, walking along the river. We joked to my brother that we were “couple’s shopping” in looking for friends who were married that we both liked. But in earnest, we were hoping for friendships. I was hoping for women who understood both my work and being pregnant, which seemed to be exactly zero.
I slowly met women at church, but only by approaching them after Mass in the vestibule (you know who you are ;). I started a mom’s group at my parish, hoping to meet friends that way. Turns out that was the very best way to do it and now my closest mom friends are my parish friends. Incidentally their husbands are friends with mine, too. I guess we found our couple friends after all.
This took years. It took years of me actively seeking out and working on relationships. Some relationships didn’t endure, and others blossomed. Many text messages were exchanged between me and my sister in New York, all wishing she would move back home! I cried some nights, missing the close companionship of my law school friends. I felt uncomfortable reaching out and asking to get together for coffee, a playdate, having a couple over for dinner.
Maybe this sounds like your journey to adult female friendships. Maybe you’re living where you went to school and those friendships continued to thrive. Maybe you didn’t go to school and instead went right into the work world, and those gals are your tribe. Maybe your family members are all you need in the friendship department.
But if you’re like me and at 26, 27 years old, had to start over, I want to acknowledge that it’s hard.
Blessed is She is offering a new series of community group materials in the autumn. It’s been my joy to edit the series and work with seven splendid authors on these various topics. When curating it, I thought about what I would have liked to have had on hand when facing these prospects of trying to build friendships & a tribe of women.
If you want to start a group, or are already in a group and want to know more about what will be coming out, please, let me know! I’ll add you to our community group Facebook group, and alert you when materials are ready for sharing.
Sisterhood doesn’t come easily for all of us as adult women. If you want to build some sisterhood around you, we can help!