Mombard: bombarding new moms with advice
Not that I’ve ever done this: mombard someone? Are you guilty of it? You read every book published about pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, attachment parenting, vaccines, homemade organic baby food, cloth diapers, cosleeping, and maybe even elimination communication for when you don’t want to use your cloth diapers, and now you’re the pro. The expert. The one dispensing advice.
You know you’ve mombarded someone if the following is familiar. And oh-my-gosh, we are all so self righteous and judgmental of other moms!
Scenario number 1:
Friend says: Oh, I’m just exhausted. This newborn is keeping me up all night.
You think: She’s a new mom. She doesn’t know about night nursing. She doesn’t know about absorbent cloth night diapers. She doesn’t know about baby led sleeping (aka no sleep but nursing all night). She doesn’t know that if she just nurses and cosleeps her monster will be come an angel. I know everything because I’m a mom of multiple.
You say: “Oh, it’s so hard. But really it only gets easier if you nurse all night and cosleep.”
Friend thinks: Jerk.
Scenario number 2:
Friend says: “Oh, baby food is so expensive. And I’m back to work so it’s too hard to make. I’m exhausted.”
You think: She’s a working mom. She should schedule making all her baby food on the weekends. She should also buy only organic products, preferably from the farmer’s market, so even if they’re not certified, they’re local. Carbon footprint et al. She should get those cute mason jars that are baby sized. Where did I see that pin on pinterest about jarring your homemade organic baby food in a fashionable way? I should send that to her as a hint. I made all my baby food, fashionably.
You say: “Oh, well, extended nursing helps cut into their food consumption, and really Earth’s Best brand is the best if you can’t make your own food. If you do opt for it, I have a great cookbook and can send you this pin about really cute mason jars to put it in.”
Friend thinks: Baby sized mason jars?!?!
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I may be guilty of having bombarded a girlfriend unintentionally the other day. I caught myself and thought, what a jerk. And actually, the more kids I have the more I appreciate all styles of parenting. And that you should just listen with empathy to your girlfriend and think, yes, it is hard, whatever “it” is.
Well written and well said! I am guilty of this in the non-parenting world too. I’ve done something or read up on something and suddenly I have the solution to other people’s struggles? I doubt it. I love to just hear “That sounds hard.” when I’m venting, and I imagine other people do too.
Hahah–Mary, we are so quick to think we have the answers for other’s problems before considering our own insufficiencies!
Oh my goodness! Yes! I am sure that I did it a lot when I was a young, new mom. Now that I am a mature mom, I try only to offer advice to new moms when they ask me for it. Most of the time, a new mom just needs me to listen and smile.
Great post! 🙂
Listen & smile–exactly! Beautiful blog, Erica!
Baby-sized mason jars? Wonders never cease! Love the conversations in the mom’s head. 🙂
I don’t actually know if those exist, Rita 🙂 I was just hammering home the ridiculousness of my ability to over think advice! 🙂
I love the phrase “Mombarding.” I am tempted to do it too, but one of the hardest things I found about pregnancy and beyond was “Mombarding” from people (moms and others). I think everyone (me included) wants to think they are doing it the best way because parenting is so importan., and everyone wants to share their way because parenting is so consuming. But Mombarding can sometimes be the last thing someone is looking for. Good article.
Mombarding is such a bad habit!! In life, especially pregnancy, you really don’t want unsolicited advice. Or advice when you’re just trying to vent. You’re right–we’re all consumed by parenting so we just want to ooze it out whenever the opportunity arises!