peaceful parenting
How’s your toddler treating you? Starting around 14 months or so, when children start to individuate from their mothers, and stretch their little wings, look out, parents, tantrums are on the horizon. I’ve written about tantrums since SuperBoy was around 14 months. I have an entire section of this site devoted to Toddler Behavior, mostly because I find it perplexing and fascinating all at once. I’ve written about everything from Teaching Toddler Independence & Toothbrushing to Tantrums Abound . . . HELP! and so much more in between. SuperBoy is just over 2 years old now, and if you have a child around that age, and are struggling with dealing with the constant meltdowns and tantrums, here’s our 3 step method that may help you, too. 1) Tantrum sparks. You begin your mantra. SuperBoy takes my hairbrush and bangs it repeatedly on the side of the bathtub while awaiting his turn for a bath. I ask him politely not to do that. He stops. He starts again a few moments later. I remind him. He pauses, then resumes. I ask him to hand me the brush (he refuses) so I remove it from his hands calmly while he begins to melt. I note, “I asked you nicely to stop. You didn’t listen to mama. You chose to lose the hairbrush.” He cries and screams for it back. I stay calm and ignore his behavior, but repeat my iteration of what happened so he gets an idea of the sequence of events.…
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We’ve all had failed parenting days. We’ve certainly all had failed partnering days. Sometimes we have both. Somedays, like SuperBoy here, we just have to play with a wind chime while clutching our hunting camo hat in hand. See below for six phrases to repeat while parenting & partnering for a better stab at both. I say all of these often. 1) I am sorry. Drop your defenses. If you were rude and impatient with your child, model humility. Ask for forgiveness. If you just sniped at your partner, stop, rewind, and apologize without a litany of excuses. They will understand; they have failed moments too. The child might not understand, but luckily he or she usually has the memory span of a goldfish. 2) I love you. Remind your kiddos you love them multiple times a day. Consciously say it aloud. Tell your partner you love them at least twice, when you wake up and before you go to sleep. Text it to them. Write them a note on the bathroom mirror. You can’t say this enough, in any version–written, sung, spoken, demonstrated. 3) This is coming from a place of love. My sister wisely shared this as a great phrase when communicating with your loved ones, especially if what follows it is an explanation of your hurt feelings, disappointment, or frustration. It’s impossible to sincerely follow this up with a nasty comment. Let your emotions and thoughts truly channel through a place of love. Because even when you…
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