cleaning your house before guests arrive

First, clean your house. Like really, go through all your cupboards that have decades-old spilled spices. Rip all your clothing out of your closet, determined to go all Jaanese on it. Then spray a homemade cleaner all over your tub, only to find it does nothing to the scum build up. Then start sorting your child’s hoarded bag collections of ripped up tissue, pearler beads, buttons, coins, and hair binders. Realize you need a photo taken for your write-up in your Waiting in the Word newsletter. Ask your husband to take a “casually happy” shot of you because you washed your hair today. Realize you look like you have a kink in your neck and your head is weighted down by your heavy hair (factually accurate). Meanwhile your feral children have taken to jousting with cardboard tubes and knocked each other down and bonked each other’s heads and OH MY GOSH we have to get a Christmas tree and decorate the front of the house and make something for dinner. While you’re texting your sister about what her kids need while in town for their visit (and talking on speaker to your other sister about what her meal plan ideas are), remember that you didn’t take the potatoes off the stove top yet and they’re probably boiled over. Step over the contents of your closet strewn on your floor. Step on top of the piles of children’s toys you’ve carefully sorta-sorted. Hold your nose as you pass the bathroom your two…